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Sister Annabel visited
the UK in April 2001 and gave a Dharma talk on ‘Taking Refuge’. The following
notes are offered from the Sangha Eyes of John Newson, Colin Robinson, Jonathan
Fine, Anna McIvor and Jeremy Allam.
Sister Annabel Laity (dharma name: Chan Duc – True Virtue) was born in England, and studied Classics and Sanskrit before going to India to study and practice with Tibetan nuns. She has been a disciple of Thich Nhat Hanh since 1986, became a dharma teacher in 1990 and was Director of Practice at Plum Village. Since 1997, she has been director of the Maple Forest Monastery, USA, and was installed as abbess at the Green Mountain Dharma Centre in 1998.
As a much-loved senior dharma teacher of the Order of Interbeing, she has travelled widely, leading meditation retreats and given talks in many different countries of the world. In 2000, she visited China and was apparently first Western nun to teach the Dharma there.
Sister Annabel’s talk was given in the shrine room of the Rigpa Centre, an oasis in the harsh urban reality of the Caledonian Road. Our thanks go to Rigpa for the use of their facilities. Many faces, both familiar and new, filled the room. After a few words about taking refuge in oneself, Sister Annabel invited questions from the audience.
How can we take refuge in self if the self is illusory?
How do we understand and experience taking refuge in Buddha, Dharma and Sangha ?
Can one take refuge in a human teacher?
Is there a contradiction between “being an island” and the
nature of interbeing?
The dharma talk that followed was woven from these, and other, questions.
The Buddha advised his followers to take refuge in themselves: to trust their own experience, considered mindfully. There are said to be 84,000 dharma doors, so we must choose those which seem relevant and useful. These doors include the door of self and the door of non-self.
We can think of taking refuge in ourself as going back to our own island. We can use the sound of the bell to bring us back. We can come back to every cell in our body. And every cell contains our ancestors. Our ancestors are also listening to the bell and coming back to themselves. We are even coming back to our descendants and they can all listen to the bell. If we can do this, then we have not been born and will not die.
Breathing
in:
coming
back to myself, to my body.
Breathing
out:
aware
of all the ancestors present in every cell,
and all my descendants present in every cell.
On the island it is easier to practice mindfulness. However anything that is found on the island can also be found on the mainland.
The island is made of our consciousness. When we allow ourselves to be in touch with the natural environment in our self, we can nourish our self. Doing this we are also nourishing others. If we wish to help others, for example to visit people in hospital or in prison, we need to be strong. So we need to nourish our self first.
Breathing
in,
I go
back the island within myself.
There
are beautiful trees within the island,
there
are clear streams of water,
there are birds, sunshine and fresh air.
Breathing
out,
I feel safe.
I enjoy
going back to my island.
A philosopher once asked the Buddha, “Do you teach that there is no self?” The Buddha made no reply. The philosopher then concluded, “So there is a self?” The Buddha still did not say anything. Dissatisfied, the philosopher left! Ananda asked why the Buddha had not replied. He did not want the philosopher to be caught in an idea: an idea of self or an idea of non-self.
The buddha is sometimes referred to as the King of Doctors because he has medicines for all our suffering. Different illnesses need different medicines! Sometimes, we are lost in self and need the medicine of non-self or emptiness. Other times we can be lost in non-self and need the medicine of self: to return to the island of this mind and body in the present moment. And sometimes we don’t need any medicine!
My fear is based on an idea of a small self, and I need to be liberated from this small self. The practice of prostration or Touching the Earth is to surrender mind, heart and body, to allow the true self of emptiness and interbeing to appear. Empty of a separate, limited self; made of the non-self, - the universe! The true self is completely impermanent and so encompasses change, life and death. Realisation gives non-fear and freedom.
Bowing
down…
I touch
my forehead - to bow down my mind
I touch
my mouth - to bow down my speech
I touch
my chest - to bow down my heart
I
spread my arms out - to bow down my body
I
prostrate to touch the earth and I am empty
I prostrate to a representation of the Buddha, not the Buddha in person, nor an external divine being. We do well not to get caught up in the word “God”. It is the same with the word “self”.
The Hindu word atman carries with it the idea that the one contains the all. We can experience freedom from fear when we realise this. When we are afraid, we can harm ourselves and harm others.
The ideas of non-permanence and non-self are the same. When I say I am empty of a separate self, I am also saying that I am impermanent. Some people find the idea of permanence attractive, they want to live for ever. Some see impermanence as cruel, they see death as cruel.
At Spring time we can see the miracle of life and feel that life is wonderful. But we need Winter for there to be Spring. We need the decay of Autumn to produce the nourishment needed for Spring. Death is needed in order to have new life. We can’t have one without the other. A child would never grow without impermanence. Who would like to live forever?
One who was dying was encouraged to focus on the good things. This raised his spirits so that he was strong enough to meditate. He focused on each part of himself, his eyes, his ears and so on. He realised that each part was not himself. He was able to see that the past and the future were not himself either.
He began to cry. When asked why he was crying he said it was because he was so moved. Close to death he realised how wonderful life is and was filled with joy. We may need to go down to the bottom of our suffering before we realise how wonderful life is!
Listening
to the bell,
I know
that the one who is listening
Is neither born, nor dies.
We know by our own experience that interdependence is a fact – this is not reliant on faith in any teacher (so the Buddha said). Because of interdependence we can find and transform our relationship to any person or phenomenon. Sister Annabel uses walking mediation with the insight “my mother is in me, I am in my mother” to be with her mother. When her mother says ‘I miss you’, she points out that they are always together. The practice gives her the ability to be truly present for her mother, who is old and anxious. Our true presence is the real gift we have to offer another.
Everything is impermanent and our efforts to find security are in vain. We need a reliable refuge: something to hold onto. The Three Jewels can be that refuge. They are a practice, not a belief. If we have practised taking refuge in the island of self, the three jewels are in every cell of our body.
The true Buddha is not a person, a God, or words or images or concepts. It is made of our mindfulness, wisdom and compassion. Taking refuge in the Buddha within is taking refuge in mindfulness.
The dharma is not anything other than the Truth. You can touch this yourself without needing to go through the person Buddha.
We can look deeply into our suffering without drowning. The best time is when conditions are good. It is better not to leave it until we are in difficulty before we look at suffering.
When we are faced with a tragedy the more we can let go the better. We need to let go of ideas. We can guard our body and mind by going back to our breathing. Going back to our breathing can help us to let go of worries and anxieties.
Buddhist practice is not an absolute, but something created in the relative world for our temporary support and guidance. In the Lotus Sutra, the Buddha speaks of the magic city parable. Merchants are journeying across the desert and are tired and exhausted. The guide knows that it is fatal to turn back, so he says that they must go on. He describes a magic city with fruit and relaxing baths. This is the help they need to go on.
Our sangha can be our magic city - a safe place because the mindfulness trainings are practised. Sometimes we attempt other kinds of security. We gather material possessions and try to accumulate wealth to gain security. This is a difficult kind of security. When we have the security of our practice, we are not caught in the process of running after something we do not have.
A true teacher guides you towards liberation using your own inner resources – the teacher within. One who makes you dependent on them is not helpful. We should not attach to the form of the teacher. Ideally, the teacher and student express their true nature of emptiness - emptiness of a separate, superficial self. Students and teacher are interdependent: they make each other.
The one who bows, and the one who is bowed to, are both by nature empty. This is where true communication happens.
In Vietnamese culture, happiness and calmness go together. When we touch the seed of calmness we touch happiness. We have hundreds of channels to choose from within our mind. We can choose happiness or sadness.
In traditional Buddhism,
there are ten realms of existence from demons, hungry ghosts and animals, to
buddhas and boddhisattvas. All these realms are available in our own
consciousness. We can choose and touch
any of these.
In Plum Village and other dharma centres there is a clock which chimes. When people hear it they stop what they are doing and breathe in and out three times and smile. Listening to a clock chime can help us change to a different realm. Usually we are “gripped” by conversation or an activity. The bell releases us from the realm we were in and we are free to choose a different realm or path.
“I am alive, I smile to life”.
Changing the channel can sometimes be achieved in an instant, but sometimes it is more difficult. We can describe these states of mind as knots. They need a longer time before they lose their grip. We may need more than one life to do this!
Sometimes we look for the Buddha within but we find instead Mara (doubt, fear, delusion).
There is a play about this written by Thay. Mara came to visit the Buddha. Ananda did not want to allow Mara to see the Buddha. He knew that when the Buddha was sitting beneath the bodhi tree Mara was an obstacle to him. Buddha asked Ananda to make some tea for Mara the obstacle.
So Ananda went off to make some tea.
Buddha said to Mara, “Well, how are things going these days?!”.
“Not too well,” replied Mara, “people want to follow the Buddha. How are things for you?” Buddha said, “It is not much fun being Buddha. People are always miss quoting, saying that you said things which you never said.”
We can accept Mara and Buddha as part of our self. “Hello, Mara, I know you are there”. We are not perfect. For us to accept our self, we need to accept an imperfect self. Both confusion and mindfulness are present. If confusion needs to be there, let it be there, but be aware of it. This mindfulness of suffering or confusion will weaken it. Internal formations need to let go of us, we don’t need to let go of them. We may have deep mental knots, which may need this treatment for years to dissolve
How to deal with
Mara
Recognise
and name our suffering - acknowledge, but don’t identify with it
Look into its nature and origins,
seeing the Four Noble Truths of
suffering,
its
cause, cessation and the skilful path
Sister Annabel described a practice of walking in the presence of another, and practice ended with walking meditation in a small park behind the Rigpa Centre. Many children and adults were enjoying the playground, or the flower garden – and were surprised by the sight of a hundred people, walking so slowly. “What are you doing?” they asked. Or “Is it a funeral?”
Being aware of the presence of
another,
close or far way,
alive or ‘pretending to be dead’
a parent, a teacher, a loved one,
one who
makes us suffer.
I sensed curiosity rather than hostility. And a sense of how revolutionary is this simple practice.
Go slowly. Breathe. Smile.